“Hey J, it’s your mom. Did I wake you?”
“So, how’s it going?”
“It’s going goo… I was just doing some web work before bed. What’s up?”
“…Are you ok? …Like, are you feeling ok?”
“Ummm, yeah sure. Why, what’s up?
“Well, your father and I were just wondering if you were dying or something….”
“You know. The other day you brought up long term care insurance, and then your father thinks you’ve been doing bucket list activities… and you know, we just worry…”
Ok, in my mom’s defense, I did bring up long term care insurance on our previous weekly phone communiqué, but only in reference to the fact that I’m an obnoxious planner and want to be prepared for my eventual move into… Shady Pines.
Despite that, I’m not even sure how long term care insurance would help me if I had six weeks left to live… but that, coupled with my recent shift in perspective, have left my parents, friends, FB friends, coworkers, etc in a bit confusion.
The purpose of this post is two-fold— on one hand I wanted everyone to know just how adorable, sweet, and over-reactive my wonderful mother is, and the other I want to share a bit more about my recent shift in life policy.
At 26, I’ve spent my entire life living in FL. For 5 of my 8 years as an adult I was in a bizarre, controlling, and codependent relationship and basically I put my life on hold. Up until that relationship, I had always been an independent, care-free, active person and at some point between 2006 and 2010 I lost myself.
I became a boring, miserable, fat person… (Cyber hugs if you can relate)
I ended that relationship 2 years ago, lost 50 pounds, and I have regained my independence and zest for life. In the past three months I’ve taken trips to NYC, DC, and Miami. I jumped out of a plane back in August (ironically on my mom’s birthday- God bless her heart). I have trips planned to Costa Rica, Atlanta, North Carolina, and Savannah all before the end of the year. So I suppose from the outside, it might look like I’m checking off bucket list items as fast as I can, and perhaps I am.
For the past year, I have been grappling with where I want to be in life—both in terms of geographic location, but also in terms of my experiences and purpose. A few months ago I decided that I would change my budget, work a little harder, and spend a little bit of time exploring new places and seeing if there was someplace I wanted to move.
I did a little exploring… then I did a little more… then I considered my question, “do I want to move to any of these places I’ve been exploring?”
The answer was no, I didn’t want to move to any of those places and I didn’t want to stay put. My heart was telling me something else altogether… I want to move nowhere. That’s the magic phrase that makes my heart flutter… moving nowhere. Literally not having a home for a little while. Living wherever life brings me. No car, no apartment, no desk job…
And so, here I am, 2 weeks from another trip of exploration, and when I get back 2 weeks until my next one. Once my scheduled trips are complete I will stay put for a few months while I save money, and once I hit my goal, it’s bye bye USA and hello world!
And so no, I’m not dying. Yes, I might be flying through my bucket list… by why does everyone wait until they are on death’s door to decide to live?